Developing Communication Skills
Developing Communication Skills: Listening Skills
There are a number of situations when you need to solicit good information from others; these situations include interviewing candidates, solving work problems, seeking to help an employee on work performance, and finding out reasons for performance discrepancies.
Skill in communication involves a number of specific strengths. The first we will discuss involves listening skills. The following lists some suggests for effective listening when confronted with a problem at work:
· Listen openly and with empathy to the other person
· Judge the content, not the messenger or delivery; comprehend before you judge
· Use multiple techniques to fully comprehend (ask, repeat, rephrase, etc.)
· Active body state; fight distractions
· Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; paraphrase what the other is saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding
· Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the employee’s concern
· Attend to non-verbal cues, body language, not just words; listen between the lines
· Ask the other for his views or suggestions
· State your position openly; be specific, not global
· Communicate your feelings but don’t act them out (eg. tell a person that his behavior really upsets you; don’t get angry)
· Be descriptive, not evaluative-describe objectively, your reactions, consequences
· Be validating, not invalidating (“You wouldn’t understand”); acknowledge other’s uniqueness, importance
· Be conjunctive, not disjunctive (not “I want to discuss this regardless of what you want to discuss”);
· Don’t totally control conversation; acknowledge what was said
· Own up: use “I”, not “They”… not “I’ve heard you are non-cooperative”
· Don’t react to emotional words, but interpret their purpose
· Practice supportive listening, not one way listening
· Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates
A major source of problem in communication is defensiveness. Effective communicators are aware that defensiveness is a typical response in a work situation especially when negative information or criticism is involved. Be aware that defensiveness is common, particularly with subordinates when you are dealing with a problem. Try to make adjustments to compensate for the likely defensiveness. Realize that when people feel threatened they will try to protect themselves; this is natural. This defensiveness can take the form of aggression, anger, competitiveness, avoidance among other responses. A skillful listener is aware of the potential for defensiveness and makes needed adjustment. He or she is aware that self-protection is necessary and avoids making the other person spend energy defending the self.
In addition, a supportive and effective listener does the following: