The government
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2. The government must expand its funding for research on renewable energy resources in order to
prepare for the impending end of oil.
3. Edgar Allan Poe was a poet who lived in Baltimore during the nineteenth century.
4. In this essay, I will give you lots of reasons why slot machines should not be legalized in Baltimore.
5. Despite his promises during his campaign, President Kennedy took few executive measures to
support civil rights legislation.
6. Because many children’s toys have potential safety hazards that could lead to injury, it is clear that
not all children’s toys are safe.
7. My experience with young children has taught me that I want to be a disciplinary parent because I
believe that a child without discipline can be a parent’s worst nightmare.
Writing at Work
Often in your career, you will need to ask your boss for something through an e-mail. Just as a thesis
statement organizes an essay, it can also organize your e-mail request. While your e-mail will be shorter
than an essay, using a thesis statement in your first paragraph quickly lets your boss know what you are
asking for, why it is necessary, and what the benefits are. In short body paragraphs, you can provide the
essential information needed to expand upon your request.
Thesis Statement Revision
Your thesis will probably change as you write, so you will need to modify it to reflect exactly what you have
discussed in your essay. Remember from Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” that your
thesis statement begins as a working thesis statement, an indefinite statement that you make about your
topic early in the writing process for the purpose of planning and guiding your writing.
Working thesis statements often become stronger as you gather information and form new opinions and
reasons for those opinions. Revision helps you strengthen your thesis so that it matches what you have
expressed in the body of the paper.
Tip
The best way to revise your thesis statement is to ask questions about it and then examine the answers to
those questions. By challenging your own ideas and forming definite reasons for those ideas, you grow
closer to a more precise point of view, which you can then incorporate into your thesis statement.
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Ways to Revise Your Thesis
You can cut down on irrelevant aspects and revise your thesis by taking the following steps:
1. Pinpoint and replace all nonspecific words, such as people, everything,society, or life, with more
precise words in order to reduce any vagueness.
Working thesis: Young people have to work hard to succeed in life.
Revised thesis: Recent college graduates must have discipline and persistence in order to find and
maintain a stable job in which they can use and be appreciated for their talents.
The revised thesis makes a more specific statement about success and what it means to work hard. The
original includes too broad a range of people and does not define exactly what success entails. By
replacing those general words like people and work hard, the writer can better focus his or her research
and gain more direction in his or her writing.