The government

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2. The government must expand its funding for research on renewable energy resources in order to

prepare for the impending end of oil.

3. Edgar Allan Poe was a poet who lived in Baltimore during the nineteenth century.

4. In this essay, I will give you lots of reasons why slot machines should not be legalized in Baltimore.

5. Despite his promises during his campaign, President Kennedy took few executive measures to

support civil rights legislation.

6. Because many children’s toys have potential safety hazards that could lead to injury, it is clear that

not all children’s toys are safe.

7. My experience with young children has taught me that I want to be a disciplinary parent because I

believe that a child without discipline can be a parent’s worst nightmare.

Writing at Work

Often in your career, you will need to ask your boss for something through an e-mail. Just as a thesis

statement organizes an essay, it can also organize your e-mail request. While your e-mail will be shorter

than an essay, using a thesis statement in your first paragraph quickly lets your boss know what you are

asking for, why it is necessary, and what the benefits are. In short body paragraphs, you can provide the

essential information needed to expand upon your request.

Thesis Statement Revision

Your thesis will probably change as you write, so you will need to modify it to reflect exactly what you have

discussed in your essay. Remember from Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” that your

thesis statement begins as a working thesis statement, an indefinite statement that you make about your

topic early in the writing process for the purpose of planning and guiding your writing.

Working thesis statements often become stronger as you gather information and form new opinions and

reasons for those opinions. Revision helps you strengthen your thesis so that it matches what you have

expressed in the body of the paper.

Tip

The best way to revise your thesis statement is to ask questions about it and then examine the answers to

those questions. By challenging your own ideas and forming definite reasons for those ideas, you grow

closer to a more precise point of view, which you can then incorporate into your thesis statement.

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Ways to Revise Your Thesis

You can cut down on irrelevant aspects and revise your thesis by taking the following steps:

1. Pinpoint and replace all nonspecific words, such as people, everything,society, or life, with more

precise words in order to reduce any vagueness.

Working thesis: Young people have to work hard to succeed in life.

Revised thesis: Recent college graduates must have discipline and persistence in order to find and

maintain a stable job in which they can use and be appreciated for their talents.

The revised thesis makes a more specific statement about success and what it means to work hard. The

original includes too broad a range of people and does not define exactly what success entails. By

replacing those general words like people and work hard, the writer can better focus his or her research

and gain more direction in his or her writing.