The welfare system is a joke
2
2. Clarify ideas that need explanation by asking yourself questions that narrow your thesis.
Working thesis: The welfare system is a joke.
Revised thesis: The welfare system keeps a socioeconomic class from gaining employment by alluring
members of that class with unearned income, instead of programs to improve their education and skill
sets.
A joke means many things to many people. Readers bring all sorts of backgrounds and perspectives to the
reading process and would need clarification for a word so vague. This expression may also be too
informal for the selected audience. By asking questions, the writer can devise a more precise and
appropriate explanation for joke. The writer should ask himself or herself questions similar to the 5WH
questions. (See Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” for more information on the 5WH
questions.) By incorporating the answers to these questions into a thesis statement, the writer more
accurately defines his or her stance, which will better guide the writing of the essay.
3. Replace any linking verbs with action verbs. Linking verbs are forms of the verb to be, a verb that
simply states that a situation exists.
Working thesis: Kansas City schoolteachers are not paid enough.
Revised thesis: The Kansas City legislature cannot afford to pay its educators, resulting in job cuts and
resignations in a district that sorely needs highly qualified and dedicated teachers.
Saylor URL: http://www.saylor.org/books Saylor.org 344
The linking verb in this working thesis statement is the word are. Linking verbs often make thesis
statements weak because they do not express action. Rather, they connect words and phrases to the
second half of the sentence. Readers might wonder, “Why are they not paid enough?” But this statement
does not compel them to ask many more questions. The writer should ask himself or herself questions in
order to replace the linking verb with an action verb, thus forming a stronger thesis statement, one that
takes a more definitive stance on the issue:
o Who is not paying the teachers enough?
: The welfare system is a joke.
Revised thesis: The welfare system keeps a socioeconomic class from gaining employment by alluring
members of that class with unearned income, instead of programs to improve their education and skill
sets.
A joke means many things to many people. Readers bring all sorts of backgrounds and perspectives to the
reading process and would need clarification for a word so vague. This expression may also be too
informal for the selected audience. By asking questions, the writer can devise a more precise and
appropriate explanation for joke. The writer should ask himself or herself questions similar to the 5WH
questions. (See Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” for more information on the 5WH
questions.) By incorporating the answers to these questions into a thesis statement, the writer more
accurately defines his or her stance, which will better guide the writing of the essay.
3. Replace any linking verbs with action verbs. Linking verbs are forms of the verb to be, a verb that
simply states that a situation exists.
Working thesis: Kansas City schoolteachers are not paid enough.
Revised thesis: The Kansas City legislature cannot afford to pay its educators, resulting in job cuts and
resignations in a district that sorely needs highly qualified and dedicated teachers.
Saylor URL: http://www.saylor.org/books Saylor.org 344
The linking verb in this working thesis statement is the word are. Linking verbs often make thesis
statements weak because they do not express action. Rather, they connect words and phrases to the
second half of the sentence. Readers might wonder, “Why are they not paid enough?” But this statement
does not compel them to ask many more questions. The writer should ask himself or herself questions in
order to replace the linking verb with an action verb, thus forming a stronger thesis statement, one that
takes a more definitive stance on the issue:
o Who is not paying the teachers enough?
